Vol. 7    Issue #09

"Enlightenment is a dream, not a reality, it is a process!"

Roy E. Klienwachter


Editor's Notes...

Dear Free Spirits,

Welcome free spirits, to the September Newsletter

*Parents, as you and your kids get ready for the "back to school rush"--try this affirmation: "As my children head back to school, I expect that they will be safe and have a positive experience." You may also want to repeat this each morning before they head out.

*If you had the opportunity to read the last newsletter, you may have noticed that my sister and I received the "Oneness Blessing" or "Deeksha." I have received nine of them in ten weeks, and I have been writing about my experiences on my site. They are also posted in my article directory if you are interested in reading about them. I have mixed feelings about an experience that is fast gaining world acclaim and can cost thousands of dollars to learn how to do.

*I have just sent the manuscript to my publisher for my next book. I have targeted Christmas for its release. I have titled it "Led Down The Garden Path," but that title may change. I am very excited about this book. It is more daring than my first and reflects a higher level of awareness. It challenges you to re-evaluate some of the circumstances of your life and who is pushing your buttons.  The people who have reviewed it so far, gasp, and are saying "Wow," this is powerful stuff.

*One of the most rewarding books for me I have read recently, is a book by Esther and Jerry Hicks, called "The Law of Attraction." Channeled through this couple by "Abraham." Even though I have been writing about what they present in the book for years, they have managed to remind me in their words of how important it is to know how the law works. It has bolstered up a sometimes forgetful me, of how I can create anything I desire simply by wanting it. It is a human tendency to take things for granted and lose site of the process until the things you want stop coming your way, or a circumstance in you life is not wanted. I highly recommend the book.

*My friend Stan Law is hosting a promotional event at Amazon on Wednesday Sept. 5th for his new book "The Avatar Syndrome," please check it out. Loads of free stuff will be given away. Be sure to check it out.

*Special link information for "Your Life Was Never Meant to be a Struggle" in Australia and New Zealand  

  The Editor


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Alone in a Relationship


The most daunting feeling I have ever had was to be married and discover I was completely alone!

   It was my first marriage and I was only 23 and she was 18. She asked me to marry her and I jumped at the opportunity. We didn’t know each other for very long—just a few weeks.

   I have always been a loner with few friends; in fact my circle of friends usually consisted of one. My family moved often and when I did make a new friend it was for a short period. Because I lived in a very dysfunctional family and a hostile environment, I managed to survive by hiding and finding my own space. In my family, I was alone. Still this loneliness didn’t prepare me for what I was to experience a day or two after I was married.

   My new wife made some off-comment to me, and it hit me—what have I done? I walked away and for a moment of solitude and I realized this person didn’t know me, she had no idea of who or what I was and I married her—what do I do now? The feeling was overwhelming and I panicked. I held back my tears and swallowed hard. I was so much happier on my own. Now I have this person who can create this feeling in me—what have I done?

   I eventually got over it for the most part, but the feeling never completely left and remained lingering in the background for the next seven years until we finally separated.

   Over the next nine years I kept busy at my job, spending long hours with my head buried in my work.

   During my adult life, I was always around people, but never got involved with them and I maintained only a single friendship with another. I like to be around people but do not like getting drawn into the drama of their lives, so the relationships have all been very superficial.

   I met another lady and history repeated itself. She asked me to marry her and I agreed after a few weeks. She had two really nice children and I got along with them. We were married in the living room of our new house with a host of her friends and relatives. My single friend attended and was my best man.

   A day or two later, the same thing happened. An off-hands comment brought up the fear I experience before—what did I do—how could I be so stupid and make the same mistake? I was scared as hell.

   I survived the next six months and I left the relationship because of very different lifestyles. We remained friends for years, and I have never remarried. That haunting feeling of being so terribly alone remains as a silent partner.

   I have been single for over 20 years now and have lived a very solitary lifestyle. I love my own company and the alone time gives me ample time to write my articles, books, and maintain my web sites. I work four hours a day at a sales job that requires me to visit people in their homes.

   I visit two to three thousand homes a year and I spend as much time as I can with them when I feel a strong connection.

   For all the years of being alone and happy, I very much aware of the need for a strong personal connection with another. I continue to write about this in my articles and books. "We are not alone—we are all one" has been one of my favourite affirmations. The spirit in me needs to see the spirit in you. Spirit longs to know spirit intimately and be recognized. I have failed terribly in my own life to maintain a close personal connection to another. Spiritual awareness has brought to me the connection between myself, others, and my environment, but not the feeling so necessary to maintain the joy that we all seek. My life is full, but the lacking is at a basic fundamental level of connection to another, someone special.

   Some people keep busy and some drown themselves in relationships and things trying to ignore the loneliness, but there is no escape. It is the loneliness of the spirit that wants to be known, connected, and recognized which keeps us going or not. Despair and loneliness drives many to unhappy endings. Being around people or even in a relationship is not the final connection that heals.

   Being in a relationship and not connected, is like a toaster unplugged from the source—what good is it.

   Being alone in a relationship is the loneliness feeling you can imagine. It is the measurable distance between ego and spirit. It is also a measure of one’s immaturity, as relationships are the greatest gifts that one can have. It is a golden opportunity to declare who you are and demonstrate it. It says to the world and the universe, "This is who I am, in this moment and in this relationship." It demonstrates one’s ability to change, negotiate, and evolve—to move to a place of better understanding and enlightenment.

   Alone in relationship is self denial and demoralizing.

Roy E. Klienwachter

Written by: Roy E. Klienwachter  Feel free to copy this article and use it in any non commercial way as long as credit is given to the author and the content is not changed in any way and a link to this site is included with the article.

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Why Advice Giving Is Not Advisable

Often in our interactions with family and friends, problems being encountered would inevitably be brought up. Inevitably too, in trying to be helpful, we often react by giving advice on how to solve the problem.

However, this is generally not recommended, for the following reasons:

We assume we know what the problem is and forget to be a listener, to find out enough details about the problem and the other person's point of view.

We forget to extend empathy to the woes of the other person.

We get 'credit' for being the one to give the advice since the advice is likely to be something that the adviser has done or others have done that was successful. So if the listener does not succeed or had done it before but it was not successful, the implication is that it is not because the advice was not good, but the listener has not applied it well. This tends to make the advisee feel stupid and incompetent.

When we give advice, we're talking 'down' to the other person as we become the 'expert'. We're so eager to talk and show our knowledge and 'wisdom' that we do not interact at an 'equal' level with the other person. We take on the position of 'expert' and might tend to forget that the other person also has knowledge to share with us.

We are giving the message that we think the person cannot work out the solution himself. This is disempowering for the other person.

We belittle the efforts that have been taken by the person. We become the evaluator of what the person has done rather than helping him/her to self-evaluate.

Example of Advice Giving:

A: Jolyn and I are having problems. We have been having more quarrels lately.

B: Hmm… I'm always thought both of you were not suitable for each other. (B is getting credit for his prediction. B is not asking questions to find out more about A's problems)

A: Well, we were getting along pretty well. But I've been very busy with work recently and haven't had time to go out with her. She feels I'm spending too much time on work.

B: It shows she does not understand you (B is assuming he knows what the problem is). Maybe you should break up with her (advice giving, implying A cannot work out a solution). It could be a blessing in disguise.

A: I'd be miserable. Don't know what I'd do without her.

B: You'll get over it (B is not extending empathy to A). I did too when I broke up with Doris 2 years ago. (B is giving himself credit)

A: I sent her roses to make up but it doesn't seem to work.

B: I don't think that will work with her (evaluating what A has done). Since she wants time with you, just put aside your work and make time for her.

A: I have deadlines to meet.

B: Well, you have to decide what you want (this is not likely to be helpful to A's dilemma and might make him feel stupid and incompetent instead.)

Using Questions in conversations is generally more helpful as it helps the other person think through the issues that they have. Example is this conversation below:

A: Jolyn and I are having problems. We have been having more quarrels lately.

B: I'm sorry to hear that (extending empathy). Would you like to tell me more about it? (being a listener, to find out details of problem)

A: I've been really busy with my work and haven't had time to go out with her. She feels I'm spending too much time on work.

B: Has it always been this way with your work?

A: No, it's these recent two months because of a big project. Deadlines to meet and other work pressures….

B: Must be tough on you…. (extending empathy to A and indirectly giving credit to A for holding up)

A: Yah… but I do need to make time for Jolyn… I have been working too hard. I should ease up a bit (self evaluation). I think I'll send her some flowers afterward and then call her for a dinner date tomorrow. (coming up with his own solutions)

B: All the best …


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